The other day, I found myself telling a buddy about all my woes. Money's tight, work is driving me crazy. Ministry is tough. Four daughters in college...Blah, Blah, Blah! When my kids whine like that I usually respond in the whiniest, most pitiful voice - "it's so hard!"
He responded with what I considered a pretty smart reply, as in smart-butt reply; "Good, now we can do something about it. There's hope for you yet!" Like I said - smart-butt.
My buddy understood that I live a relatively responsible life, minus the fact that I have a difficult time passing a Krispy Kreme when the HOT NOW light is on! The point he was making is that I suffer from something else. I suffer from an obsessive attachment to an exaggerated sense of responsibility that warps me into a little self-described messiah. I tend to exhaust myself attempting to deliver for everyone, work smarter and harder than everyone and carry everyone's burdens and needs on my shoulders. I seem to compulsively manage other's lives and feel guilty when they fail as if I've failed them.I even seem to feel compelled to carry Jesus's burdens.
The causes are many. Sometimes I'm addicted to control. Sometimes I think too highly of myself and too little of others. Usually I'm just scared to death of failing (not that I haven't done my fair share of that). Other times I think it's just what is expected.
Recently, through the truth of a good friend, I came to realize that this is not a responsible way to live. It may be noble, but it is typically unhealthy. Admitting this weakness in me and the fact that it is rarely as noble as I think it is to God is the first step in creating a healthy sense of responsibility and a truly responsible life.
Trusting Christ with eternity seems far easier because it is so etherial - true responsibility begins with honesty and ends with trusting Jesus. Period. May you choose to live responsibly. Not as others would choose. not as you think you should but through the honest eyes of Christ.
Peace, Chuck
